My Personal Masochisms

The Chameleonatrix

2008-10-09T16:21:00.006-04:00

My friend and fellow poster "wad" over at www.financialslavery.net posted what I thought was an interesting topic. Here it is:

Subject: Tone

When we're looking at compatibility issues, besides common interest there is the tone of voice to consider.

We have the Princessy "fuck you loser i'm spending your money with my friends and then i'm gonna fuck a real man hahahahaha". Well, ok, if she's hot maybe that works when i'm drunk. But it's not somebody i'd expect to connect with.

There is the very strict woman, that treats her slaves as lumps of meat. Certainly mondo dominant, but i can't stay with Her like that.

There are some others, but i'm sure You get the idea.

How would you describe the dominant woman's tone that seems to resonate well inside of you?

i love an instructional tone, i guess some women call it the teacher's pet category. A Domme speaks to me like a teacher would a student, or a mother a boy, which is firm and specific and articulate. There is a certain cadence that surfaces, there are certain words that are chosen which are controlling or superior but not blatantly dictatorial.

It's hard to explain but i know it when i see it.

I found this interesting, but did a little "twist" on it.

Dear wad,

Boy do I know what you mean.

This emanates and extends from and to a whole host of things. It isn't just "timbre" of a Domme's voice. A lot of it is "Style." I am a sucker for sophisticated. Smart. Confident but quiet. The spider/scorpion mix. It is WHO she is. . .

Or, . . .

who she is capable of becoming if she needs to.

So, I guess my style is a "chameleon" of sorts.

She is a confidence woman. She can be as friendly as can be, if that will work. She can be bitchy, if THAT Will work. Tough. She can do it. Tender, she can do it. She can be sisterly or motherly or cheerleadery . . . whatever works for her to get you in a vulnerable position where she can own your ass, . . . she is capable of doing. She is always planning on a basic level to get her way and nothing is going to stop her.

Now, I can already hear those who might say "Shamed, you are describing a "submissive" Domme! She sounds as accommodating as a Geisha."

Er, not really or not at ALL.

This woman is like the Terminatrix. Remember that iconic character in Terminator 2 who changed into whatEVER he/she/it needed to to get the job done and go in for the kill.

This woman would pick up VERY quickly, and carefully and methodically, just what "type" me, or you, or Joe Blow is looking for, and, like the Terminator, give the illusion of BEING that and go in for the kill.

Rather than this "type" being a mushy, accommodating, passive Domme, I propose that this is an iconic type who is capable of carnivorous coloration and disguise to lure and trap her "victims."

shamed

Jazzing on this, I came up with the title term: Chameleonatrix: A Domme who, through change of coloration, style, costume, attitude, rhythm and tone (a nod to wad) can indeed adapt to conquer.

My question to the Dommes here of ALL stripe: Are YOU a Chameleonatrix?

Do you ever use, or regularly us adaptive techniques to get what you need or want?

Do you consider this to be a strength? OR do you see it as somehow "compromising," and not "being yourself?"

State your cases, if you'd like.

shamed

A Fetish of a Different Color: Blackmail vs. Greymail

2008-07-09T20:18:00.000-04:00

As a still-fascinated, yet recovering, addict from this particular fetish, I am feel in a unique position to write knowledgeably and objectively about what is known here as "Consensual Blackmail." I feel compelled to put fingers to keyboard at this time because of what I am seeing as an increasingly perilous trend within the blackmail fetish.

First, let me say that what I am about to say is about a group of SPECIFIC people, and NOT a broad generalization about a generation.

I hope I am not insulting anyone when I say that one gains experience with age. I’m not saying that a Baby Boomer such as myself is AUTOMATICALLY smarter than someone younger, BUT let’s just say that the 55-year-old Shamed would kick the ass of the 20-year-old Shamed in anything but purely physical combat.

You don’t always get “smarter,” as you age, but you do ALWAYS become less ignorant. Yeah, you can try to shoot arrows at this paragraph, but read on.

My observation both from personal experience and from what I hear, is that more and more, and younger and younger, women are entering the financial fetish arena. And are doing so with guns blazing, jumping from literally NO experience right to becoming full-fledged practitioners of the Blackmail fetish.

This attitude is what I call “the Nintendo Syndrome.” Louder and bolder and more in-your-face and brassier. There is no ramping up, no “second gear,” or “medium,” or “subtle,” or (gasp) learning. Just dive off the diving board and if you see there is no water in the pool, simply press the “Start Over” button. You never die, you just lose one of your lives, and you can always get more. You get saved, all harm is reversed, and you play the game again. It is how this generation approaches their relationships, their careers, and their finances. And it is also evident in how many of these women approach this fetish.

(As a quick aside, pissing on the Boomers won’t change this, Gen-X and the MTV Generation, etc. We Boomers have fucked up ZILLIONS of things up in our society, BUT this particular fuck up falls right on you folks.)

I am seeing more and more young women (and yes, I will assume they ARE “young” and “women.” This is how they identify themselves) jumping in with threats and “Or Else” demands. Personally, I think they look silly. Simply screaming demands on an open board without any “cred” or track record or subtlety or experience or foundation to back you up makes you look like Bozo the Domme.

Many – most? – of these women don’t last. They come on, post a few posts and vanish when they don’t succeed. Others vanish BUT then LEARN from their mistakes and STUDY, then come back as a new screenname. Of these, some repeat the same old mistakes and some actually reinvent themselves as someone quite impressive and successful.

But during the “15 Minutes” of fame that the first group may have (We are a culture that LOVES “shiny and new”), they often do something that is incredibly damaging not only to the Money Masochists they happen to ensnare, but also to the fetish and potentially to themselves (but that is another story).

To distinguish between consensual and non-consensual blackmail, I am going to toss a new term into this fetish today, and that is “Greymail.” Yes, it exists in other contexts, arts and industries, but in this fetish, I will start using the term Greymail to distinguish that which WE do here – Consensual Blackmail Fetish -- from that which has existed for centuries, which is serious, real, damaging and illegal and non consensual, and I will call “Blackmail.”

With Greymail, there are “rules.” There may be the “illusion” of chaos and anarchy in the potential damage that can be done, but 99% of the women practicing this, as I have noted, are responsible and smart and very adept at creating the illusion of potentially real, permanent damage and life destruction. This is not to say that REAL damage can’t happen in Greymail “play.” Things can escalate. They can backfire. Mistakes happen. Exposure happens. Anger happens. . . shit happens. But the difference is that in SANE (vs. Insane) Greymail, the intent is not pure extortion and probable exposure.

In REAL Blackmail, there is certainly no eroticism (except for the terminally self-destructive on BOTH ends who get off on causing lifequakes), and the goal is pure and simple extortion.

The result of Blackmail gone wrong is destruction. The result of Greymail gone wrong is, in virtually all cases, either the illusion of destruction, disturbance, exposure, OR very low or low-level instances of these things. Think of the difference between a poison steak and a tainted hors d’oeuvre. One kills you; the other usually only gives you the runs.

What to do?

Well, the first thing one needs to do on here is realize that in the Age of the Internet, there IS no absolute “privacy.” Anyone who knows a half-dozen select websites and wants to plunk down $19.99 for deeper information, CAN and WILL find out who you are. NO one – yes, NO one – is beyond having their real information cracked by someone persistent enough to dig and filter until the dam bursts.

And while there is danger for anyone who “plays” at anything kinky or extramarital, there is no riskier arena than thinking you are involved in Greymail, but having it turn into its darker cousin, Blackmail.

I am throwing these three questions open to the group:

1. What do YOU recommend as methods for keeping your personal information private?

2. What steps can you take in guarding against falling into a relationship that can turn from Greymail to Blackmail?

3. Can you distinguish between the two? If you are a submissive, can you tell if someone is into consensual Greymail or non-consensual Blackmail? Do you know how to ride the borderline without going over it? As a dominant, can you really distinguish which one you are practicing?

shamed

Consensual Blackmail Debate Continues

2008-07-08T07:05:00.004-04:00

As some of you know, while I do not engage in my financial fetish any longer, I am still a member and administrator of www.financialslavery.net. This is THE voice of the financial fetish. ANYone interested in this fetish needs to join that forum.

The following is the link to what I have posted, in part, below.

http://financialslavery.net/fs/index.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=217

These are the last three postings on this topic, which began in 2003 (?!?) and was resurrected a few weeks ago.

First Comment is from stephen, a member from California.

Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 11:16 pm Post subject: Re: blackmail

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
consensual blackmail?

I guess if you fill one of those blackmail contracts, then ifs consensual, but you had better be prepared for it.. it last a long long time...
But once the eroticism of it wares off, then the real blackmail beings..

Been there and it's no fun... even once you pay the buy out, whats to keep her from coming back?

Be very careful about what you tell your dom about your real life.

Stephen

This was followed up by a comment from Mistress Georgina

Posted: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:10 pm Post subject: Re: blackmail

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
stephen wrote:
consensual blackmail?

I guess if you fill one of those blackmail contracts, then ifs consensual, but you had better be prepared for it.. it last a long long time...
But once the eroticism of it wares off, then the real blackmail beings..

Been there and it's no fun... even once you pay the buy out, whats to keep her from coming back?

Be very careful about what you tell your dom about your real life.

Stephen

---------------

From your post Stephen it sounds like you were not too happy with your blackmail experience, am I correct?

To be honest and IMO, when entering into a blackmail contract you SHOULD be able to, feel implicitly comfortable about giving her information that WON'T be used if and when the contract ends or you buy out of it. If the contract has ended or an unfortunate buy out has been forced upon the slave because of a personal circumstance, then in no way should the Domme in question come back at you with trying to NON CONSENSUALLY, out of contract, blackmail you. That is not part of the 'game' and it is not really a clever move on the Dommes part at all, it is wrong, not part of the agreement at the start, and totally unethical.
_________________
I like you, I shall kill you last!!! (Evil Grin!)
Mail Me at: mistress_georgina @ domineer.me.uk
My website, group and w/l:-
www.tributes4.me.uk
groups.yahoo.com/group/Domineer_me/
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/re...8A6X00RWWU

And finally, I had my own say. Here is my response:

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 1:11 pm Post subject: Re: blackmail

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, as this thread is five years old, and I originally posted on it in 2004 (!), I would like to respond to stephen and Mistress Georgina's recent posts.

Quote:
stephen wrote:
consensual blackmail?

I guess if you fill one of those blackmail contracts, then it's consensual, but you had better be prepared for it.. it last a long long time... But once the eroticism of it wares off, then the real blackmail beings.. Been there and it's no fun... even once you pay the buy out, whats to keep her from coming back?

Be very careful about what you tell your dom about your real life.

Stephen

Mistress Georgina responded:

From your post Stephen it sounds like you were not too happy with your blackmail experience, am I correct?

To be honest and IMO, when entering into a blackmail contract you SHOULD be able to, feel implicitly comfortable about giving her information that WON'T be used if and when the contract ends or you buy out of it. If the contract has ended or an unfortunate buy out has been forced upon the slave because of a personal circumstance, then in no way should the Domme in question come back at you with trying to NON CONSENSUALLY, out of contract, blackmail you. That is not part of the 'game' and it is not really a clever move on the Dommes part at all, it is wrong, not part of the agreement at the start, and totally unethical.

IMVHO, both stephen AND Mistress Georgina are correct. stephen in his caution signs about the potential for information to come bouncing back to hurt him (one woman I knew used the line "Blackmail is the gift that keeps on giving"); and Mistress Georgina in stating that there should be a "Rule" on involuntary exposure from non-consensual information.

First let me say that I find the entire fantasy very hot by nature. It was my M.O. for a number of years, and I need to state this clearly: This fetish CAN work for some very well. There needs to be trust, and controls (and control!) in place, and did I say trust? The woman who can bring her victims to the sharpest of edges in this particular fetish, to me, is amazingly skilled. And to those guys who can BEAR the tension and the risk and the heat in the furnace, I applaud you. Hell, I wish I WERE you. I simply found out that I am a guy who, in this fetish, cannot take even one drink. (Right now, I am simply looking at the bottle as I write this, NOT sipping. )

That said (and factoring through both my personal caution AND my natural attraction to this), part of the heart-pounding nature of this particular fetish -- and guys, tell me if I am wrong -- is the thought "What IF this all goes to shit?"

What if she says at the beginning "It will only cost you $50 a week to keep safe," and a month later, "I changed my mind. You'll now pay me $200 a week" ?

What if you agree it will only be for three months, and she says halfway in, "I've decided we're going for a year in our agreement" ?

And what if -- after the term is up, and it is "over," -- Mistress Yogi Berra pops her head in and says "It ain't over till it's over" ? What if she needs or wants more money and knows she has the hammer with you. "I know we're not under contract anymore, but I decided we're starting again. Pay up, honey." What then?

There are TWO main stages where "consent" comes to play. One is starting, and the other is in the stopping.

When it comes to "starting," my earliest foray into this fetish was in late 2001 when a woman friend -- a phone fuck buddy, so to speak -- and I began talking about the blackmail fetish. We both got excited, danced around "starting" together in doing this, and one day, before I knew it, SHE had decided "We've already started." I said "But I didn't agree," and she replied. "Actually, you did, but we'll talk about that later. You're in this with me." (Needless to say, she never did explain what I said that DID give her the permission )

We knew each other. She had my details, and had LESS to lose than I did if things escalated. I would have liked to give "initial consent," but this was taken out of my hands. Was I upset? No. It was a special circumstance. And it was erotic. How we "ended it," was when I got frantic and begged to be let out. She obliged. As I said, she was a friend, and it could have been much much worse. (But see, even the "much much worse" WORKS for some folks.)

That brings to mind the other main form of consent: Ending it. Contracts have end-dates. Buyouts can be specific. In either case, as Mistress Georgina states, when an agreed upon "End" has been reached, it should be "over."

The problem happens when, like most addicts, the "victim" in this fetish leaves any ambiguity. A hungry/excited/greedy fellow Financial Sadist addict will give just a LITTLE push, and the Money Masochist will be right back in it.

IS this consent? If a drug dealer or bartender or croupier or Macy's clerk asks "Would you like to know about our special promotions?" and the compulsive addict/alcoholic/gambler/shopper is too weak to say "No thank you. None for me!" Does the Dominant in this situation have any "Responsibility?" Is it simply on the head of the MM? Another discussion maybe? Getting hot yet, blackmail addicts?

From personal experience, I think that IF the Money Masochist says it loud enough and is serious enough, 99% of Financial Sadists will hear him. There are enough Money Masochists out there for her to pick from: No need to turn the experience TRULY non-consensual. But then there are those Wild Card Dommes/Financial Sadists who won't take "no" for an answer and the landscape changes under the MM's feet. . . But then there are guys who LOVE a good earthquake.

Semper Yogi.

YMMV.

Comments?

shamed

The eternal debate about

1. What constitutes "Consensual" in blackmail context
2. When does it begin? When does it end?
3. What are the "ground rules?"

Comments?

shamed

Could any kink or fetish rePLACE your Financial Fetish?

2007-04-11T23:54:00.000-04:00

Are fetish addictions "transferrable?"

Those who know me and have followed my "saga," know that my major problem was my strong addiction to coercive, concentual blackmail. I mentored women in this, or got very close to the flame with established financial sadists in the hopes of finding that wonderful place where I was getting the rush, without REALLY being at risk.
In otherwords, I was a manipulative wanker.

I also know that I DID provide some "value" to a number of the women who I successfully oriented in this fetish, and who went on to be relatively successful and happy. This is NOT to excuse my generally "topping from the bottom assholeosity," just stating that my activities were not a completely selfish endeavor.

But in this past year, I have set as my sexual "top line," to engage only in those sexual activities that are between my wife and I, and only in kinks/activities that we can realistically do.

As she is a physical sexual sadist -- and always has been -- this could include a LOT of BDSM stuff. So, what I have done -- pretty successfully -- is transferred the addictive rush that I got from the high-risk coercive financial fetish to progressive bdsm activity with my wife.

We have, for example, been working on CBT. First, tight, sharp spiked collars and cock rings worn during foreplay and during climax. Very painful, and a rush for us both.

Now we are moving on to ball torture, starting out slowly, with the goal of my being able to take punching and kicking without "harm" to me.

She gets excited -- as do I -- in facing the "abyss" of my experiencing harm from this. We skirt the edges, but discuss it, and it works for us as constant foreplay.
But what about you? Have any of you TRIED to see if another "Fetish" could, conceivably, take the place of your financial fetish, especially if you feel that you are entering a self-destructive phase in your money masochism activities.

Buhler? Buhler?

shamed

Translating the Payment/Consequence Fetish into the Marital Context

2006-10-30T11:05:00.000-05:00

Hello again, all.

I do have a question for you all here, as we are all of like mind.

In a nutshell, because of my inability to keep my activities to a non-destructive level, I have given up financial fetishism as a kink. We all know (or SHOULD know) the dangers inherent in it. For those money masochists who either CAN keep it under control, or have made an honest decision to NOT keep it under control, AND have found a Financial Domme/Sadist who complement their kinkview, this is not a problem. For me, it was.

This brings me to my situation today.

I am married to a wonderful woman for 32 years. Since I have gone into sex addiction recovery (more later on that, as I noted), I have forsaken all masturbation, all fantasy, all porn collection and downloading, and -- except for my non-erotic chats with Goddess Sue and Lady Rhonda -- all erotic contacts with other women, either in person, phone or on the net. My goal desire is to have a healthy erotic relationship with my wife that is monogamous and doesn't draw on fantasies involving outsiders OR with either of us role-playing other people or being objectified.

Tall order, I know. And could make for a "yawn-worthy" sexlife by my past standards.

There is one thing, however, that puts some "zip" back into the equation: My wife is a physical sadist, and I -- at my core -- have a good amount of masochism. About 95% of our sexual encounters have included some form of female sadistic BDSM or "controlled" D/s.

I do NOT see the BDSM that we do to be counter to, or destructive to my sex and love addiction recovery. To my mind, as long as the sexual activity between my wife and I stays within those things that are intrinsically within our own natures, and doesn't involve others or the fantasy of others, or impose any fantasies or role playing, then it is ok. So, if my wife is NATURALLY a sadist, and I a masochist, then it IS within our own natures.

So . . .

I have analyzed that the reason why I was involved in deep fantasy, and the financial fetish was that I was looking for a way to pay penance for something that I did in my past. Guilt. Looking for self-punishment. (I know what it is, so it is not a mystery to me.) I felt that I needed to become a masochist in such a way that I would be "trapped" into paying the price for what I did, AND if I refused to pay, be "destroyed," or "hurt" in a real, serious way.

I found, through Goddess Sue and Lady Rhonda, that I indeed did NOT "really" want to be destroyed, but that I did need to pay a price.

After I dried out from my sex addiction, after which my marital sex life was redefined and actually increased in frequency and enjoyment, I began to see that (of course) my old M.O. of having to "pay a price" for a stable, untortured internal life, AND needing a "sword of Damocles" over my head had NOT gone away. I felt that as long as this itch was not scratched, I was in danger of slipping right back "here" (or worse) if I didn't find a solution to the riddle. And my sacred bottom line is now NOT to partake in relations with others. Intimacy has to be with my wife and her alone.

So, I decided that I needed to find the answer to the following: Within the parameters of my bottom lines, as stated above, what of my previous "pay penance or experience self-destruction" fetish could I transfer or safely adapt to my marital life?"

In short, the Holy Grail.

Looking at this has made me examine what I had become (and what I couldn't continue being)... and examine how to apply this dynamic to my marriage.

First, I found that there were indeed TWO parts to my financial fetish: The "ritual" and the "consequences." The ritual, in my case, was providing potentially damaging information or material about myself to a woman who would lock me into a consensual blackmail situation, preferably a payment to be made on a regular, escalating basis. Somehow, I eroticized this "price paying," and accepted that it was who I am. I STILL accept this "price paying" idea.

The consequences concept was WHAT would happen if I did not continue with the ritual "price paying." In all cases, this was clear with my Mistress: "If you stop paying or try to avoid it, then I will force upon you a punishment that is far greater than what you ritual payment was, and it is one that you will NOT "enjoy," or get any "erotic satisfaction" from and that would be destructive to you."

Now, in blackmail and financial fetish, we know what this destruction would most entail. It could be public embarrassment, exposure to wife, family, friends, employer, etc. It could result in incalculable losses such as marriages, jobs, savings, retirements. While cases of these destructions are (in reality) quite rare, they DO exist, and CAN get really out of hand.

The difficulty of transferring this model to a loving relationship where your partner's fate is linked to yours, and where YOUR "destruction" or "embarrassment" or "exposure" would harm HER as well makes it a tough "model" to enact in an intimate marital situation.

Working, however, within my bottom lines, and the natures of my wife and I, it would be a simple matter to translate the ritual "money" payments into what I see as "Pain Payments." Working together, we would develop a regular series of punishments I would have to undergo on -- let's say -- a weekly basis. It might start with 10 strokes with a cane; 10 with a flogger; 10 oz. weights on nipple clamps; a lb. of weight on my spiked testicle parachute. These numbers would be increased incrementally week after week.

The important thing would be that these punishments be a. truly painful b. something that works for my wife c. escalating d. mandatory. This punishment be the equivalent of a costly blackmail payment. Something that is "felt," but that is survivable.

This brings me to my conundrum: What can be done as the "consequence" for trying to escape, manipulate or avoid this "ritual" payment?

I acknowledge that whatever the "consequence" is must be a. something that I do not like b. want to avoid at all costs c. be something significant d. would have an impact on me and e. Does NOT hurt my wife, our community standing, our finances, etc.

You get the point. Within a partnered context, this is a tall order.

The "simple' answer is "Well, ask your wife! She'll come up with something ;)" The difficulty with that is that my wife and I do not have any huge "issues" or bones of contention with each other. We agree on family finances, living space, free time issues, etc. There is no one big issue that I can think of. (And yes, I DO understand that she may surprise me with a consequence I NEVER thought of.) She also does not apply her imagination to these things, usually, and ideas would help.

What I am seeking here is any suggestions of avenues to consider in the "consequence" arena that cover the parameters listed just above. I would share these with her, or give her guidance if she needs it.

Any guidelines or thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

shamed

A Contrite Apology to Goddess Sue and Goddess Rhonda

2006-05-22T05:44:00.000-04:00

Dear All,

This is an open letter to both Goddess Sue and Lady Evil. . . and to those women on this forum of whom I have taken advantage.

For the last 8 months or so, Goddess Sue and I have been chatting, and occasionally talking. I have utmost respect for her as she is real, and beautiful and incredibly smart.

About two months ago, I contacted Lady Evil, and began chatting with her as well. Yet another amazing woman.

While I was chatting with both women, I never once told the other about what I was doing. I betrayed their trust in this, and to make matters worse, I ran the same "line" on them both: Trying to get close to them -- but not TOO close -- in hopes of receiving some erotic satifaction from the proximity to two REAL women in this scene. I used the same words and techniques on both of these women.

Worse, I have done this countless times on this group, "mentoring" women in the art of financial domination. It has all been with the purpose of simply getting the rush of proximity to women in this, and making them over into my "ideal" financial Dommes.

But I have been VERY careful not to get TOO Deep. You see, I'm a spineless coward, who knows that he can't handle that. Can't handle REAL blackmail.

I am sincerely apologetic about this and beg for the foregiveness of both Princess Sue and Lady Evil.

I have learned my lesson, and will no longer be the fraud that I have been.

I only hope that by my posting this unequivical apology and suplication, that they both have mercy on me, and allow me to make the most important restitution that I can to them and others: bowing out, and hoping that they show mercy on me and my family. They do not deserve to be hurt for my weakness, and yes, I am standing behind them in my cowardly efforts to gain your mercy.

I will be seeking psychiatric help tomorrow, and will begin treatment shortly. This fetish is out of control in my life, I have used it as an excuse to manipulate and misrepresent.

Again, Goddesses Sue and Rhonda: I am sorry. You deserved better from someone who said they were your friend and I hope you can forgive me. You have taught me a lesson.

I beg for your mercy.

shamed

Exposed: A Word to the Wise

2006-05-15T14:37:00.000-04:00

I am known as a very cautious man. Any personal information that Financial Sadists have ever received from me has been in the context of a contract situation that I have given them. I give the information as "insurance" in a coercive financial servitude situation, and giving such information is -- as women with whom I am in touch with will attest -- very very rare.

But as for anything that I "give" away, I am incredibly careful. I never mislead anyone, but a tidbit or two of things is harmless. Isolated stuff. Certainly nothing "risky."

For example, one's county. Birthsign. Real first name, should be pretty safe, right? A few GENERAL tidbits here and there. Anyone who has chatted with me KNOWS that while I do not lie, or throw out red herrings, I also am very close to the vest. I know that CERTAIN things you don't reveal. My Mama didn't bring up no fool.

Well, there comes a time when you have to admit that you are not as "smart" as you thought you were. Or, that there is someone out there more resourceful than you. And knowing my ego, BOY is that tough for ME to do.

I began chatting with Lady Evil about two weeks ago. Simple stuff. Chit chat about the fetish. She is very attractive and appealing, but right now, I am in a situation that is inescapable, so I am not "available." But I do chat, and try not to take up a lot of the Domme's time, without making it worth their while in SOME way.

Then, on Thursday, as I was chatting with her, Lady Evil suddenly, out of NOwhere, she says "So, how are you Mr. ___________."

My real last name.

My mind raced as I assessed HOW she could have gotten it. I did a quick archive search of our chats, and I have never even USED my real last name in a chat. Ever. With ANYONE.

Did she contact one of the three Dommes who DO know it? Well, "M," is not even on here. Mary isn't. And "L" has vanished into the wilderness. No. It wasn't any of them. 100% sure.

Then, she said, "How are things there at 5432 _____ Blvd?"

And I KNEW I was found out.

My breath came a bit quick at first. I could barely breathe. It is NOT a "joke" having someone in this fetish with your information.

Over the next half hour, I listened as she recited my cars, my place of business, my wife's, siblings and children's information, . . . "There is a lot more, you know." she said to me.

Now, I can't go into the details of what the final outcome of this was between Lady Evil and I, but I will tell you one thing: I have never received such a shock in all of my 6 years in this fetish.

I have never trumpeted the qualities and seriousness of a Financial Domme before, but see this as a a public service notice to you all -- and I have never said this before -- Lady Evil had warned me that she would find out who I was, and -- as careful as I was -- I was caught.

What happens from here is still up in the air, but anyone contacting Lady Evil should understand that they will be a lot closer to the edge of the cliff in this fetish than they ever realized they could be. I hadn't realized that a Financial Sadist could be as resourceful as Lady Evil.

If you decide to contact Lady Evil, her email address is goddess@goddessevil.com.

Good luck guys. You will need it.

shamed

Unentangling

2006-04-28T21:54:00.000-04:00

So, when we last left Shamed, he was riding the knife's edge of Double Trouble, with two previous Coercive Financial Dommes (blackmail sadists):

"L," the young married woman who used him for his knowledge, seduced about $5000 from him in less than a few months, then abandoned him for a "whale" she met with the skills that he had taught her. But still, she lurked in the background, keeping Shamed from any other involvements, lest she re-emerge and make demands that he would be unable to deny her.

"M," who, with her new b.f., decided that Shamed should help fund their late March vacation. But, after taking a $250 from Shamed, M vanished. It is a month now since she had been in touch with him at all. His suspicion that she and her b.f. have pledged their undying love to each other, forsaking all others is his best guest.

And where does that leave Shamed?

Off the tightrope, and onto another knife's edge.

$ $ $ $

Well, enough third person :)

Where am I now? Dancing on the edges of entering something with a woman who is a very formidable force. A friend but an experienced Financial Domme. Beautiful. Young, but mature. Sadistic and manipulative, and potentially VERY destructive to me.

Just what I have been both fearing and coveting.

"S," as I will call her is the pit of fire beneath the knife's edge. While I had been caught between and Sylla and Charybdis, I am now facing a true Circe.

"S" is not a woman I have mentored. Not someone whose knowledge in this arena was simply a stew of ingredients I advised her to select. The knowledge that "S" has is not a subset of my own. I truly have no idea WHAT she is capable of, and where she is going.

I am in uncharted waters . . . not a comfortable place to be with Circe swimming around.

I will keep you posted.

Monday Morning . . .

2006-04-04T06:51:00.000-04:00

My life -- thank goodness -- is stable. Wife, work, child.

I am, however, currently in an odd "limbo" of my own creation when it comes to my Financial Fetish.

My main interest and attraction now is a wonderful woman with whom I am chatting, and occasionally phoning with. She is a Financial Sadist, and lives outside my area. She is younger than me. Beautiful. Cruel. Manipulative. (Swoon).

The reason I do not become more "involved" with her is obvious: she is serious, and I would probably wind up in deeper shit than I am right now. She is also reluctant to take me with my involvements so "scattered," and me stretched so thin anyway.

As noted, "right now," I have one midwest Financial Dominant who I mentored, but has dropped out because she has a bigger "Whale" on the hook. My other (more local) enslaver, while it seemed for a while that I would be entrapped by her and her boyfriend. They WERE vacationing, in part, on my money, but I have not heard from her for two weeks. Long time for a vacation.

Yes, I am conflicted over the emotions of this latter situation: Do I WANT that situation to continue potentially, or would I be relieved if I were OUT of it?

And if I DO get out of it, . . . what then of my fetish? Where does it get fulfilled. With my current "friend?" The serious Financial Sadist?

And you wonder why I woke up "unsettled," within a settled life?

Saturday morning musings

2006-03-18T06:48:00.000-05:00

Tough week at work. More responsibility for future growth. Blah Blah.

Mostly distressed this still-cold NY "spring" morning over my continued money masochism. How I have eroticized this and how it is impacting me NOW after five years of (what I thought was) an "under control" fetish.I look back over the years since 2001 when, through romantic trauma, I developed this fetish, and see that I have spent about $12,000 over that time in tributes, and blackmail payments.

And while I have kept most of them at a modest level, there are four women out there who know my personal details, and they could do me damage at any time.

"MS" my first one, the erotic friend whom I mentored and trained in 2001 for the mutual erotic kink, and to whom I was "enslaved" for a few months, sometimes taunts that what I might really need is to be in servitude to HER again. That she could keep me on the knife's edge. But this is merely talk with her. But our "financial affair" was very brief and very long ago. We were friends first and foremost, but we have in the last six months lost contact after almost 10 years of closeness. Time moves on.

"A" was a much younger woman with whom I developed a loving closeness, and my mentoring of her was mostly in the BDSM realm, to which she took like a duck to water. We still chat occasionally, but she is not really interested in financial fetish.

"L" was another very young woman I mentored, who was a natural golddigger. She also had enough details on me to create trouble. To help her move away from her husband, and set herself up in a different part of the country, I gave her about $5000 in 2005. After being very thankful, she has found a big cash cow and slowly cut off contact with me. My fear is that she will someday need the money, and come back in my life.

Then, there is "MC." Another woman I mentored in consensual blackmail, financial fetish, and went very deep with. She has photos of me, compromising ones, tons of notes sent with my increasingly high weekly tributes, a full, anotated sexual history of my infidelities. She also has all contact information on me, with my wife and work. When we started, she was married, and we played heavily in 2002 and 2003, then started again briefly at the beginning of 2005, and now she has contacted me again. This time, things are different. She has a boyfriend. They both get excited at the prospect of making me a permanent money machine for them. They have just made me send money to help fund their vacation. I don't know where this will end.My problem is that I have eroticized being in this situation. It allows MC to see it as "okay" that she drag me back into this situation and exploit me. I don't have much choice right now, as she and her b.f. wouldfind it exciting, they have told me, to fuck with me if I hesitate to give them the money they want.I have essentially been bullied into this, and now, I am afraid of the real consequences.

Welcome to my world. shamed

Three Different Types of Fear in the Money Masochist

2006-03-12T19:47:00.000-05:00

At the risk of making too obvious a statement, I believe that "fear" is what drives the Money Masochist to "stay with the program."

The most basic type of fear, to most of us who have the Blackmail fetish, is the coercion statement from the Mistress, the subtext of which is: "If I don't do X then Y could/will/would/can/may happen." It sends me spinning in a number of ways. In my own experience, "X," is paying my tribute. Aside from the money I must give her, I have had other related "duties" (assignments, usually involving presenting the Mistress with personal and potentially damaging information and material on myself). The understanding is that if I don't pay my tribute and give her what she wants, then "Y" will happen. My world will be rocked in some small or large way. This is the first fear: I call it "Fear of Ruin." It is this fear that fuels the Extortion-Go-Round. But, this Fear of Ruin is not the only potent fear that drives the Money Masochist to serve.

The second fear that I have experienced and seen is "Fear of Failure." The MM has made a promise to his Mistress AND to himself: "I am serious about this. I am a Financial Fetishist who will be constant and devoted and consistent and not "whiny" or resistant about my service. I will accept what I have agreed to. If I don't, then I am proving myself to be a fake, a coward, a wimp, . . . a failure. And I don't WANT to view myself as a failure, so I will break both my back AND my bank to fulfill my oath. The $adist will often use this fear as a potent pressure tool to manipulate the MM into enlisting and locking in. And, despite the manipulation, she is right to do so. If an "alleged" MM is not going to "put up or shut up," then he isn't worthy of the Mistress's time or of being respected, is he? And not even a Money Masochist wants to be considered weak, uncommitted or a "wanker."

There is also the third fear: "Fear of Abandonment." That the MM will lose his $adist, and what she fulfills in his life. And with losing her, he will be adrift and "free game" for the sharks, vultures and barracuda out there. That his "weakness" to resist the next seductive $adist might finally bring him to his downfall, which he not only doesn't want, but fears greatly.

A metaphor of this Abandonment Fear come to mind from the excellent book "The Correct Sadist," http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1562010778/qid=1064161770/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/002-7289961-6357647?v=glance&s=books. The author sets out a dialogue between a Male Prisoner and a Female Jailer. In the dialogue, the Male BEGS his Female Sadist not to "throw him in with the rapists" in the prison, but to protect him. If he obeys her, and gives her what she demands, she promises to keep him safe, and not cut him loose.

So, the imaginative and wise Financial Sadist will use whatever she needs to to get across to the Money Masochist that if he doesn't get committed and STAY committed to her, he will be thrown to the wolves. And whether it is the Wolf of Fear, the Wolf of Abandonment or the Wolf of Failure, the wise Financial Slave does whatever he needs to to keep this horrible fate at bay.

The Inner Thoughts of One Money Masochist

2006-03-04T10:20:00.000-05:00

It is common that the Money Masochist is driven by the need to "expiate" some deep emotional pain within. Pay penance. Atone. Whatever word or metaphor you choose to apply, many MMs essentially NEED someone -- an alluring slicing machine -- to force them to hand over their pound of flesh.

And while the physical pain a BDSM Slave can feel does have its "limits" (a masochist can be beated to death, thus ending his "pain"), there is no limit to the pain that someone can be causedemotionally. So, if an MM chooses to appoint/enable/"deputize" someone to punish them that masochist could be turned into a bottomless pit of psychic pain . . . and victimization from a lovely, greedy $adist.

And within the head of this MM, and the "hell" that he allowed to be created for himself, are the thoughts and questions that rotate within his head ad nauseum. Here are just a few:

a. "I am giving away money that should be used for my family." This is true. But many Financial Slaves don't have other "hobbies," like golf, or travel, and choose to devote their disposable money to this pursuit.

b. "I am giving away money that would grow into a nestegg for retirement for my family and I." Yes, this is true. A dollar give to a Money Mistress today will grow in HER account; not yours. $2000 given away this year, by historical estimates, will be worth $16,000 in 21 years. You are building this Money Domme's annuity, and not your own.

c. "I am risking developing an entanglement with this woman that may far outlast any erotic interest on either of our parts." Again, this is possible, and probable if the Domme is money hungry (NOT meant as a judgment, but a lovely trait.) Even after your phone or online or RL "affair" is over, if she wants you to continue your "contributions" to her, she has you over a barrel.

d. "I am risking my marriage." Yes, things might just explode in this situation, and blow up your marriage too. That is a risk.

e. "I am risking my job." Yes, this may spill over to your job as well. Either through exposure or reduced attention to "taking care of business."

f. "Why am I like this? How can I change? How can I accept myself for being this way?

What drives YOU? And if you are a Financial Sadist, what motivations have YOU seen in Money Masochists?

Enabling the Money Masochist's Addiction

2006-02-12T13:02:00.000-05:00

On some level, a Money Masochist knows how destructive his lifestyle is. And so, there will come a time when he wants to get off the "Pay-Me-Go-Round." He is sincere in his desire to do it as much as any addict when he goes through the disgust and regret stage.

But unlike most any other addict, the Money Masochist takes extraordinary steps to enable the sabotage of his own efforts to kick his addiction.

Look at the dynamic: In a drug addiction, the Ultimate Enabler is the dealer, in whose interest it is to keep you coming back and buying more. In a gambling addiction, it may be a casino operator or bookie who doesn't want you walking away from the table. Neither of these two WANT the addict to quit.

So too the Financial $adist. She doesn't want the Money Masochist "cured," does she? Imagine the following (real) dialog between them.

Money Masochist : Well, a lot of the whole basis of Money Masochism
Money Masochist : is not simply the "threatening,"
Money Masochist : but instilling and playing on the self-loathing of the victim
Money Masochist : who has allowed this to happen to him,
Money Masochist : and now must keep paying the piper.
Money Masochist : It is a sadistic, cruel paradigm.
Money Masochist : Like bringing a bottle of an alcoholic's favorite booze
Money Masochist : on a visit to him.
Money Masochist : Exploiting the weakness.
Financial $adist : I understand
Money Masochist : It's a hard thing to kick
Money Masochist : in that case, and it makes it worse
Money Masochist : if you are "enabling" the "dealer"
Money Masochist : by giving them the power to KEEP you
Money Masochist : addicted.
Financial $adist : which you do . . .
Money Masochist : But that is the whole thing, is what I am thinking.
Money Masochist : I want to not be ABLE to kick this.
Financial $adist : you want not to be able..,,lol
Money Masochist : It's like I KNOW that I will experience
Money Masochist : self-loathing,
Financial $adist : you are so weak
Money Masochist : I am weak, you think?
Financial $adist : You hate yourself for who you are
Financial $adist : BUT
Financial $adist : you want to be this way
Financial $adist : SO
Financial $adist : instead of just being who you are/
Financial $adist : you set it up so you are forced to be who you are
Financial $adist : that's weak
Financial $adist : you can't even stand up to yourself
Financial $adist : but im glad
Money Masochist : Because it serves you,
Money Masochist : and makes it easier for you.
Financial $adist : yes
Money Masochist : You do see it as a weakness to exploit, I feel sometimes.
Financial $adist : well i cant disagree with you
Money Masochist : Then you can't really expect that this is something that I find hard to accept sometimes, without getting "down." But my reaction
Money Masochist : is a natural one, and a byproduct
Money Masochist : of the process.
Money Masochist : A residue.
Financial $adist : and i would wonder about you even more so if you didnt hate yourself a bit about it
Financial $adist : you need to be told what to do
Financial $adist : and i need to be the one to tell you
Money Masochist : You find it ok that I hate myself for being this way at times.
Financial $adist : Hate yourself if it makes you feel better. Whatever works to keep you where you are.

So, even if and when the Money Masochist does make efforts to get his life back from the grips of his addiction, he cannot always count on his $adist to make this an easy journey. On the contrary, she may do whatever is necessary to see that he fails and keeps coming back for more!

Indiana Jones and the Financial Sadist

2006-02-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

One of the classic movie lines is delivered at the end of "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade," when Indy, in search of the Holy Grail, is trying to decide which cup to drink from. If he selects the right chalice, he will survive and thrive; if he selects the wrong one, . . . doom. This is when the Grail's guardian sagely cautions him: "Choose Wisely!"

The same could be said when the Money Masochist selects a Financial Dominant/Sadist with whom to "partner" in their erotic journey. Indeed, if the MM doesn't carefully consider just what "type" of FinDom he is dealing with, the results could be life changing for him.

At the risk of oversimplify a very complex mindset, I have categorized Financial Dommes into three major "archetypes." Each archetype is most strongly driven by ONE motivation that virtually defines them.

1. The Recreational Financial Domme. She is driven by fun. By play. By the rush of it. By the power exchange. The money and the "relationship" are most often secondary because Financial Fetish play is almost "sensory" to her. Physical in a way. Whether it is gifts or cash that she receives, it matters little. And WHO the MM is is almost secondary. The "process" and the sensations of the game are the "Currency" that she is looking for.

2. The Romantic Financial Domme. This type is involved in this kink because she is most often looking for a "romantic" connection. She could just as well be searching in a garden variety bdsm or even a vanilla environment. The financial aspect of this kink is often simply the environment she is searching within. She is driven by the "emotions" of the relationship, and often more interested in "gifts," -- especially sentimental ones -- than cash or money.

3. The Remunerative Financial Domme. I'm tempted to say that THIS is the only "true" Financial Domme, but I would get clobbered if I did (clever how I sneaked that opinion in, and then put on my flame-proof mantle?). But the fact is that this type of Financial Domme is one whose self-interest is primarily or solely financial. She has no driving need for romance, and could just as well be married, het, bi, gay or even asexual for all it would matter. She isn't really interested in being a "friend" to the MM. And while she may enjoy the erotic process of the financial fetishes, she also may simply be a good actress. Take the money factor out of the equation, and she most probably wouldn't be doing this.

In my OCD analysis of all this, I visualize an ideal world where everyone is honest not only with themselves, but with their potential "partners" and "mates" in this process. But this is not always the case.

For the sake of argument, let's assume that the FinDom is self-aware, and has been totally honest and upfront about her self-interest and intention, along the way "defining" herself as one of the three archetypes. What happens, however, if the MM himself is not honest about what HE is looking for, and instead "toys" with, or "cons" the FinDom. Once he has done this, "damage control" is in order.

Surviving the Recreational FinDom: If an MM becomes involved with a FinDom who sings "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," then if HE is not interested in Recreational FF, he should tell her The risks with this type of FinDom are far less than with the other two types. But he does need to guard against annoying her, and taking "No" for an answer if she is not able or willing to be more "serious" in her commitment to him.

Surviving the Romantic FinDom: If an MM approaches a FinDom who, after a while, makes it clear that she is really looking for "love," then if he is NOT looking for a romantic connection and chooses to string her along, it could mean bitterness on her part, and her potential "love" could turn to rage. Be honest with her from the start. Stress that you are looking for strict financial interaction. Or that you are looking for fun, fun, fun. Do NOT lead her on with roses (metaphoric or literal), if you have no intention of being a romantic lover if THAT is what you see she is looking for. If you've never heard of the phrase "Hell Hath No Fury . . " then think of a Category Five Hurricane without a liferaft, which is where you could be if she goes nuclear on your ass.

Surviving the Remunerative FinDom: As you can guess, the most serious potential problem occurs when a Money Masochist connects with such a FinDom and pretends that he is seeking serious financial servitude, when he really isn't. This type of FinDom will most often not be "sentimental" or "playful," but simply have her "eyes on the prize." If you have made financial promises, or wasted her time and effort and creativity by dangling something you had no intention of actually giving up, then she SHOULD be angry at you. Making matters worse, many MM's claim that they "dream" of this nightmare situation, and waltz right into it, then resist, or get upset when the inevitable happens.

How to survive? After assessing just how "serious" she is about the real damage she can/could/would do to you, try negotiating in good faith. Offer a buyout. Offer a payment schedule over a period of time. Offer your services in some way for a while. Do NOT make the mistake of trying to play her for a fool, or "romancing" her. Realize that you have fucked up, admit it to her, and ask how you can make it up to her. And if it doesn't look like she will let you off easy, then take your lumps, pay up, and chalk it up to an expensive learning experience.

All of these types of Financial Dominants, if they have had ANY experience, have encountered these situations -- and YOUR type of Money Masochist -- in the past. None of them will be shocked by weasels or wankers. How YOU handle yourself, however, could make the difference between surviving and being turned to dust.

Choose wisely!

His First Time (Fiction)

2006-01-30T06:46:00.000-05:00

The windshield wipers squeaked as he got on the Saw Mill Parkway. As he fed into traffic, he exhaled again, to relieve the tension. But it would only be momentary. He knew that too.

Today was going to be both methodically IN his control, and maddeningly NOT in his control.

He had to take the day off work, and plan it around Michelle not finding out about it. Setting his away messages, and his excuses to give him the whole day, which he might need. He didn't know.

On the passenger seat next to him was a "play bag." Overnight bag with a plastic bagged, clean change of clothing. His toiletries so that he came home smelling the same way that he left. Underwear included. Into the same bag would go anything that would smell or look like he had NOT been in the office that day. In a separate compartment was his work material. Blackberry and a file or two in case he had to refer to it.

But there was nothing else. Usually, he would have all manner of bdsm toys, etc. for him and his partner to play with. Today, he was instructed by Lady S to bring nothing in that regard.

His wallet and keys were all he carried now. And those keys jangled warning bells as he veered off the exit for Tarrytown. He glanced at the directions in his hand, and made a right at the foot of the exit. The motel would be at the side of the road, on his right, about a mile down. He inhaled deeply again. But the tension was not going away that quickly this time.

As he saw the motel up ahead, the windshield wipers swiped the light rain off the windshield, and was oddly in tune with his heartbeat. He was early pulling into the parking lot, and thought of Lady S again, and her instructions. Being 5 minutes early was no better than being five minutes late.

He paused. He was instructed to go directly to the room. But he was early, and instead sat in the car and waited. Looking at the room set off to the side, slightly isolated.

She had paid for it with his credit card, along with a few more trinkets for the afternoon. He had long since given up being able to control how or when she used the card.

He had wisely set the spending limit low on this card, but was still concerned with he had given her the number in a moment of weakness two years ago. She had been "fair" in her usage of it, but a few recurring expenses added up. This is how it all happened with the two of them. Very very gradually she built up her knowledge of him and the weapons she needed to coerce him if necessary into doing what she wanted.

Lady S, as he called her, made it clear that it would be very "unwise" of him to not meet her demands.

"I would start out small with the steps I would take," she said one night to him on the phone, while they were in that mutually hypnotic haze they got into whenever they discussed their "financial partnership." She slowly said, "I'd pick just one vulnerability area -- home, business, neighborhood, friends, family -- and do something small that would probably mean nothing and expose nothing. Until they get a second or third piece of the puzzle."

He could hear her rubbing her pussy through the telephone. Shamefully, HE was getting hard too as they went through this verbal ritual. "But that first puzzle piece might be a meaningless password to a profile, or site that would contain your image or something that would cause you great life-changes. Do you want to go there? Do you want to start this process? Do you want to start this snowball going down the hill, and with it the fear of what you might be unleashing? I have an awful lot of steps I can take to convince you otherwise, don't I, Arthur?"

I shook that image from my head, and looked at my watch. It was time. I got out of the car with my bag, and headed across the way.

Her car was in front of the motel door. The room was off to the side, and they were alone. No one next door for five doors. No one upstairs. Privacy. He inhaled as he approached the door and Â as he was instructed to do Â simply enter through the unlocked door. It was dark inside.

* * * *

"Right on time!" She laughed. "Stay where you are a minute. We're videotaping this."

I nodded my head. "Say yes, Arthur," she instructed.

"Yes," I replied. We?

"Good," she replied. "We need to just complete a few things first. Why don't you tell us your full name, and such. Some personal information about yourself. Speak clearly for the video camera."

I spoke my name into the camera, and then my address.

"More. You know what I want on here." She was insistent.

I continued. I included my wife's name. My son's. The company I worked for. My boss. My neighbors. My friends. Finally, I paused.

"That's good Arthur. And, you walked in that door on your own accord, correct?"

I nodded. "Yes, Lady S."

"Good. No coercion was used. Could you walk out right now?"

I didn't know what to say. I knew that I couldn't, but I couldn't say that on this recording. I knew what she wanted this recording for, and I had to give it to her.

And then I realized that, then again, I was here on my own accord, really. Lady S and I had been talking about this for two years. She had slowly boxed me into a position where even if I wanted to back out, I didn't know what would happen. But we both know where this was going, and I accepted that. But it didn't make me any less frightening.

"Yes Lady S. I am here voluntarily."

"Good. Now, there is a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs on the chair next to the door. Get them now, put the blindfold in, and cuff your hands behind your back. This is for "play purposes," right? Do you do this voluntarily as well, Arthur?"

"Yes Lady S." And I reached for the handcuffs on the chair. They were cold, hard and real.

"Put one on your right wrist first, Arthur. Then the blindfold. Then the other cuff, behind your back. Let's hurry now."

And I did it. Got the blindfold on, and clicked the cuffs locked behind my back.

"Turn around," she said. "So I can have a photo of this. Of YOU putting yourself in bondage. How lovely." I heard the faint click of the camera, then her heels moving toward me. She turned me around and started guiding me slowly across the room. She talked as she did. "This afternoon is for a purpose, and we both know that. For you to prove your commitment to me, and this Thing we are in. Get to your knees slowly and stay still." She helped me down, and I obeyed her. I stayed stone still.

I heard her rustling around. Then I heard a second person across the room. Also moving something. I sensed the light in the room had gotten brighter. Floodlights, perhaps.

Then, Lady S was next to me again. She played with my hair a moment. "I'm going to take the blindfold off, and you're going to look directly into the video camera again. Do not look up. You'll answer my questions accordingly."

"Yes," I replied. And she lifted the blindfold from my eyes again. Two lights were shining on me. "Do NOT look up at us. Understand?"

She said. All I saw were four naked legs in front of me. Two female legs -- Lady S -- and two strong male legs: whose I did not know. Then the light went on on the video camera.

Now, the male legs advanced forward, as Lady S moved behind the video camera.

"Now you know, Arthur, what you are going to be doing, don't you? What I want this video of."

"Yes," I replied.

"Tell me. Tell the video camera."

"You want a video of me sucking a cock for you."

"Will this be your first cock, Arthur." She kept using my name.

"Yes it is."

Now the man in front of me began stroking his cock. It was thick and appeared long. The camera, however, was trained on me, and did not show his face, which was above the frame. My face was the star of this production.

"And you are doing this voluntarily, aren't you?"

"Yes Lady S."

And with that, the cock was in my face. "Then start, Arthur. Start sucking."

And I took my first cock into my mouth. It was an odd sensation. Hard skin. Thick.

The man's hand now was on the back of my head. Very slowly, he began to kick up a rhythm. Slowly into my mouth. Then slowly out. "Hmmmm. Looks great, Arthur. Keep it up."

He started getting harder. My hands were still tied, and I began to feel frightened.

Lady S and I had always spoken about a condom for something like this. But there was none in sight. But I could say nothing, as his cock was in my mouth.

"That looks great. Now turn toward me a bit." And I saw a flash, as she was getting digital stills of this. I glanced up and saw that Lady S. was wearing a mask to hide her own face from the camera, should it appear.

"I want to see him go deep. Take it all in, then hold it." And as his cock went deeper into my mouth and then my throat, the Man whose cock I was sucking moaned, and he held my head.

"Hold him there," she instructed the Man. Then a flash. Then another. Then he let go, pulled out, and I was allowed to rest a moment. Lady S. put the camera on pause.

The flashing light shined. She changed the cartridge on her camera. "Ok, now the money shot."

Now I began panicking. I pulled my mouth off the Man's cock, and gasped out to her.

"You said that you wouldn't make me take a cock bareback. Please have him put a condom on before he cums."

Both Lady S, and the Man above me nochuckleded. "I don't think so, hon. You're going to get a mouthful of cum." She said matter-of-factly. "Regardless of what I promised you before, that's what I came here to see."

"Please no! I'll do anything!" I begged. I was truly frightened.

And with that, Lady S gave a small laugh. She walked over to me and ran her fingers through my hair "Anything, huh?"

"Yes," I replied.

She then walked slowly over to the door, where my pants were. I heard her doing something, then, a moment later, she came back to me with my wallet in hand.

"Let's see what we have here," she said, as she looked in my billfold area. "Twenty, 40, 60, 110, . . $180?" She took the cash out, and held it in front of me. "You expect to buy a condom from me with this?" She took the money anyway, and tucked it in her black bra.

"Please! Please don't make me take his cum in my mouth!" I begged. My heart was pumping.

Silence for a moment, then she began looking through the wallet again. She pull out a credit card. "This is your play card, isn't it?" She said, as she held up my Republic Bank Visa card. I nodded. "What is the limit?"

"$1500 I think."

She then reached for her cellphone, and began dialing the phone number on the back of the card. "Get that cock back in your mouth," she snapped, and I began sucking again.

I could hear the automated voice from the cellphone give punch-in choices. Lady S was making them. Then, after a few choices, she moved to me and held the phone to my ear. "You want a condom? Then you're going to do one simple thing: You're going to raise the limit on this card."

The voice on the other end of the phone now came up. "Customer Service. How can we help you."

I then spoke into the cellphone. "Yes, I'd like to raise my limit on this card."

The cheery Customer service woman then asked, "I can help you with that. What would you like your limit raised to?"

Lady S was listening and whispered to me "$10,000."

I looked up at her, but her eyes were stone serious. "Just fucking do it!" she hissed. "$10,000?"

"I'm sorry but we can only raise it today to $6000. And your have been approved for authorization for that amount. I would just need your pin number and the answer to your security question. Your pin first."

I paused, looked up to Lady S, and said into the cell "5679." Both she and the Customer Service woman noted it.

"And now the answer to your security question: Who was your third grade teacher?"

I looked up to Lady S. "Mrs. Goodman." She smiled also, as the Customer service woman said. "Alright. You've authorized us to raise the limit on your card to $6000. Will there be anything else today?"

Lady S said softly to me, "Tell her that you have to leave, but that your wife will be changing the security question and pin number."

I paused. She wanted to have control over this account. I had no choice.

So I told the customer service woman what Lady S had asked, and when she asked for me to put my wife on, she took the phone, and walked into the bathroom of the motel room, where I could not hear her complete the call.

And as I tried to listen, the Man grabbed my head and shoved his cock into it again. He spoke his first words. "Looks like you're fucked. She's gonna change the pin and passcode, and the account will be hers. You won't be able to get back in to lower the limit again. You'll just get the bill each month. Fucked man."

A few moments later, Lady S came out of the bathroom with a smile. When she put her cell phone away, she came out of her pocketbook with two condoms in her hand. She held them up to show me. Lady S then reached into her purse again and came out with a tiny sewing kit. She plucked a sewing needle from the kit, and then began punching holes through the foil and spearing through one of the condoms over and over. She smiled while doing this.

Lady S then approached me with both condoms, and put them behind her back. She mixed them up behind her back, then came out with both hands, the condoms hidden in her palms. I would have to choose which one I would get. "Let's see how lucky you are today. Fifty-fifty chance, honey. Your choice."

I paused a moment, then chose the one in her right hand. She instantly tossed the other one over her shoulder. "Blindfold him again," she instructed the man. "I want this to be a surprise for him."

I was in the dark again, and I heard her opening up the condom, and reaching to hand it to the Man above me. He rolled it onto himself, and in a second, I was again sucking his cock. Lady S started the camera again.

He pulled me to his cock again. I could taste the latex, which was worse than his bare cock. Not knowing whether the condom was broken or not was making me nervous. Had I made the right choice?

His cock started getting harder and bigger in my mouth. Lady S was breathing faster. "Suck him! Do it now. Harder."

Then she moved back across the room again, and came back. Now she took my blindfold off. "Keep sucking. I wanted to show you this." And in her hand was the condom she had tossed across the room, that I didn't choose. The foil was riddled with holes.

"Ok? Feel better?" She asked, comfortingly. And I nodded through teary eyes, taking his cock into my throat for the first time. She cheered. "Yes! Alright. What a great cocksucker."

His pace picked up. She now rubbed her pussy, watching. "Keep sucking. Don't disappoint me," she urged. "Just imagine how I'm going to pillage this credit card. I'm going to keep it at the limit every month. It's your job to keep it going. Got it?"

Now, the Man grabbed my head with both hands and began pumping into my mouth. "Take it all, Arthur. Do it." And I heard Lady S now humming a vibrator over her clit. "Come on! All the way."

And with that, I felt a sudden rush of cum in my mouth! I tried pulling away, but I couldn't. "Hold him there. Hold him. Make him take it all," she urged. And my mouth was filled with his cum. What was happening??

Lady S put her mouth right to my ear, "You'll lick anything that drips out of your mouth off the floor. You'll hold it in your mouth for the camera."

And the Man pulled out of my mouth, and I saw that his condom was riddled with holes just as the other one was. "Let's see the cum." And I showed the camera. "GREAT shot."

"Now, fucking swallow it, Arthur! Do it RIGHT now." And I had no choice. It was all in my mouth now.

When he was finally all done, she came over to me and ran her fingers through my hair. "The condom you picked, I had already punched with holes, so you couldn't win. Both would have leaked. This is what I wanted. I wasn't going to let you get away with it." And she kissed my cheek, and hugged me.

"You'll probably be fine. There's nothing you can do now about it anyway."

And with that, she eased me to my feet, and over to the bed in the room, and bent me over the edge, and because my arms were behind me, I fell face first on the bed. My ass in the air.

"Now, hon, it's time for you to start bidding on how much you would give to keep that cock out of your ass." And both she and the Man began laughing, and I was held face down.

"Let's start the bidding at $1000," she said, as serious as a car wreck.

Playing ''Ruination Roulette''

2006-01-29T10:19:00.000-05:00

The eternal problem between the Money Masochist and Financial $adist is one of just how far will the $adist go to "push" the MM? And while there are certainly a tiny percentage of Financial Dommes who will push it ALL the way, most -- when you get down to it -- have no desire to actually "ruin" their MM.

But there are many MMs who, while they don't need actual "ruination," they do need a certain fear and edge that it COULD really happen.

What then does a Money Masochist and his Financial Sadist do when he needs the edge, but she is not prepared to "actively" drop the bomb? I've conceived of a game of "Ruination Roulette," where the stakes are REAL, but the probability is low.

For those unfamiliar with Russian Roulette, it is played with a revolver loaded with only one bullet, instead of the customary six. The chamber is spun, the gun pointed at one's head, and the trigger pulled. The chances of their being a bullet in the chamber -- and fatal consequences -- are 1 in 6, or 16.6%.

How could this be replicated in the MM/$adist relationship to bring real -- but low percentage -- risk for the Money Masochist, and even take the "bomb dropping decision" out of the hands of the Financial Sadist?

Here are a number of options:

1. The MM presents 10, 20, 30 sealed envelopes to his $adist. In ONE of them is a "doomsday envelope" containing damaging information such as chat logs, emails, embarrassing photos, etc. The $adist does not know which of these envelopes contains the damaging information, but as a predetermined or even random penalty (if the MM misses a payment, resists a demand, disobeys an order, tries escaping, etc.), the $adist would mail ONE of these envelopes to the MM's wife/boss/friend, etc. Neither of them would know which one had been sent. And as the envelopes are sent, the probability for NEXT time goes up.

2. The MM would present the $adist with a list of 10, 20, 30 phone numbers in sealed envelopes. Only one of these would be to his wife/boss/friend. Again, the $adist would not know which of these numbers is "real," and which are random or non-existent. Again, as a predetermined -- or even random -- penalty, the $adist, armed with a voicemail confession message on her cell phone from the MM, would forward this damaging message to one of the random phone numbers. If it is a stranger or non-existent, then no harm would be done. But ONE of those 10, 20 or 30 phone numbers, being real, would result in devastation.

These "double blind" options would add REAL -- if small percentage -- risk to MM/$adist relationships where the $adist may be reluctant to actually create the type of havoc these options provide, and which the MM is prepared to actually take.

One point: The $adist may, of course, choose to NOT proceed with these options, but create the illusion of such with her MM. He, however, would never really know, would he?

Any other suggestions as to "Ruination Roulette" options?

Questions the Money Domme/Financial Sadist might ask Herself

2006-01-16T11:48:00.000-05:00

From my correspondence with other $adists and Money Dommes, there are questions they too ask themselves when dealing with money masochists. The questions vary depending on the experience of the $adist, her lifestyle decisions, just how cruel she either is, or has a goal to be, whether her $adism is a livelihood or a "hobby," whether shewants to build up a "network" of MMs or concentrate on only one lucky MM.

Perhaps you, as a reader, can add to these questions with their own thoughts. Just send them in.

a. "How much can I get from this slave?" Her time is an investment that needs to be spent carefully. The deeper the pockets of theslave, the more time he is worth in the long run. She might also decide that he is just worth a big one time "hit" because of his attention span, etc.

b. "What are his hot buttons?" Does he respond to direct demands, subtle requests or veiled threats? Does he want a "friend" to chat with and talk to? Does he need a $adisit to be aloof and stern? Warm and cuddly? Whatever masquerade will work, the effective Money Mistress can choose to use.

c. "How far can I push him?" Some men are looking to be intimidated and bullied. She knows this. Others are looking to be seduced intothe process of "giving it up." Some men can be pushed for more and more "commitment," and others resist like hell. Should these men be threatened? Or convinced without threats? Each man is different.

d. "How can I lock him into a long-term payment schedule?" This often involves slowly gathering personal, family and business information from the submissive, holding onto it for the right time, then letting him know that his payments will last for as long as the MoneyMistress says they will. Some MMs are only good for intense, large hits.

e. "What level of commitment can I get from him, which he can both afford, yet not break him, and force him to try and get ME in trouble in order to get out?" There is a figure that the slave would rather pay, and keep paying, rather than have the embarrassment of exposure, AND which is not large enough to have him want to run to a lawyer or the police. We call this the "Leeching Level."

f. "Can I deal with the damage I am doing him?" Being human, even Money Dommes feel pangs of conscience over extorting and squeezing a man. How she deals with it, and rationalizes it, is a good indicator of how successful she will be in this endeavor.

Again, sharing of other questions would benefit all Money Masochists and Financial Sadists.

Three Different Types of Money Masochist

2006-01-16T10:31:00.000-05:00

Having thought about this for a while, and musing on the different "types" of males who embrace Our Fetish, I've come up with three distinctive category of money masochists. This is NOT an effort to be complete. There are many other "types,"and perhaps this essay will stimulate discussion on this topic. Here goes:

1. The Low-Maintenance Slave. This type of slave takes his Mistress seriously, and wouldn't deliberately miss a deadline or disobey her. While he probably has both fear of, and respect for her, this slave punishes himself far worse than she ever could. He feels that he has failed her, and that is (usually) punishment enough. At this point, some Mistresses might ask him what he, the slave, feels they he could do to make up for his mistake. (You'd be surprised at the imaginative and willing supplications some slaves in emotional pain will come up with to make things right.) One Mistress told me that these slaves are worth their weight in gold because they require very little "upkeep," and are, as one Mistress told me,"very profitable for me."

2. The Wiseass Slave. This is, I imagine, the Money Masochism equivalent to the "SAM" (Smart Assed Masochist). Alwaystesting, this type is the opposite of "Low-Maintenance" inthat he needs reminders, threats, and a lot of cage-rattling and attention. If he finds a cooperative Mistress, he may get his way, but if he connects with a Hardcore $adist, he may be in for more than he bargained for. One Mistress I spoke with said that she loves to "go Medieval" on these Wiseass Slaves. "If he pisses me off, Iusually demand he send me another "vulnerability" to add to my collection (humiliating pictures, audio recordings, handwritten essays are her favorites). Or a really large sum of `Makeup Money.' Something quick and harsh to let him know that he can test all he wants, but he is really just digging himself deeper, giving me windows to demand more and more from him, until the day his Wiseass luck runs out."

3. The Stress Junkie. These are slaves who don't deliberately do things wrong, and may be very loving and obedient, but what they really need is to put through the wringer. Some need it all the time; some only need it occasionally, but these Addicts DO need it. Some need to be kept moving day and night on tasks, tests, busy-work, deadlines, scrambling to keep from being exposed and penalized. One Mistress told me that she sometimes sends them on "treasurehunts" all over the city looking for nonsense items. If they fail,she breaks through their safety wall into their home or work or social life. She says that "It may be a small break, but you know how things get out of hand, don't you?" These Stress Junkies thrive on fear, and live for the anxiety and stress. One Mistress points out that these slaves are true masochists, and often need to be reminded how their "lives are being wasted with the "Time-Raping" that she puts them through. "I taunt them with howprecious moments are ticking away doing meaningless tasks for a woman whom they PAY for the privilege of abusing and wasting their precious hours and days for them." Many slaves cannot handle pressure such as this, and have real, serious breakdowns. It is not for everyone, but for those who love it, it is said to be a serious"high."

What type are YOU? And if you are a Financial $adist, what types are you drawn to?

Consensual Blackmail

2006-01-05T22:22:00.000-05:00

Few kinks are as misunderstood as the financial fetishes, and within THAT subset, the Consensual Blackmail (BM) fetish is the most mystifying among them.

Even more of a contradiction than sadomasochism, blackmail can dance around issues of legality, and if boundaries are pushed here, unlike BDSM -- where cuts usually heal and welts subside, -- those who are wounded in blackmail interplay may lose their marriages, jobs, savings and homes.

Conversely, a Financial Sadist ($adist) who pushes the wrong "victim" too far may find herself in trouble with the law.

But what we are talking about in this forum is the very concept of "Consensual Blackmail" fantasies, and how those who practice this fetish strive to create as close as possible a semblance of reality to the "real thing," without, of course, breaking the law.

It is the most intense of role play experiences: One party entrusts the other with "damaging information" on him, in return for being "forced" to send money and/or jump through hoops by his "blackmailer," who will "ruin" him if he does not.

The more real this roleplay illusion, the more exciting for both parties.

Some of the issues in this fetish are:

$$$ How far does the victim WANT to be pushed?

$$$ How far can the $adist push?

$$$ Is the victim just wasting the $adist's time, with no intention of really commiting to the illusion fully?

$$$ Just how "real" will the $adist make it? Can the victim stand the pressure of a good mind-game extortion illusion?

$$$ What if the victim finds a REAL "blackmailer," or someone who terrifies him?

Any other questions?

Essay #1: Working Toward a Definition of "Money Masochism"

2005-12-30T15:28:00.000-05:00

In the vanilla world, when a man offers women money in exchange for
sexual favors, many contend that both the woman and man are demeaned.
She, because she sells access to her body for sexual contact – and
exposure to disease and attack – and the man because he must pay for
such sexual relations.

But in the D/s world, when a man exchanges money with a woman, and
gets in exchange "mistreatment," it is clearly only he who
is "demeaned." Ideally, the Domme remains in control of the sexual
dynamic, and does not give access to her body, and takes far less
risk than the woman who sells physical "access" contact for money.

Indeed, the exchange between male submissives and Female Dominants
can and does take various shapes, forms, styles and combinations.

$$ It can be "physical," where the male masochist offers his body
and sexuality to the Female Dominant to give pain.
$$ It can be "service oriented," where the male offers "service" to
the Domme, as a maid, servant, slave, houseboy, carpenter,
accountant, etc.
$$ And it can be "material," where the Domme demands certain
material things, which the submissive either gives willingly, or is
coerced or blackmailed into giving.

This last "material" exchange is, to many, the most mysterious. What
IS it that the submissive -- and the Domme, in many cases -- find
sexually exciting about the simple dynamic of being compelled to give
materially to a woman in exchange for what appears to be at the
least "nothing," and at the most, being humiliated and tormented –
silently or openly -- on an emotional and psychological level for his
weakness? Tough question.

A subdivision of this fetish that this group centers on is the giving
of money itself. Not expensive jewelry, or other material
possessions, but cash money, checks, currency, bank deposits, etc.
And not for anything in "return," from the Domme, but in a great many
cases, the fetish gets its power from the simple expectation and
ritual of "giving," or the being "required" to give this money.

This is "financial servitude" at its purist.

As for communication between the Domme and financial slave, sometimes
there is discussion. Discourse. In others, it is almost silent. The
arrangement is made, and the money slave just "does his thing"
without a lot of "massaging."

As for how voluntary the process is, in some cases, it is voluntary
and sporadic. In some cases voluntary and on a regular basis. In some
cases it is "forced" through consensual "blackmail," where the woman
has embarrassing or damaging knowledge of the submissive's personal
or business life, and dangles it over his head, "coercing" him to
pay. Most often this is roleplay, and the Domme has no intention
of "dropping a dime" on the submissive. In other rare cases, it is
set up and expected that this is serious and real. All for the mutual
thrill of taking, getting and/or coercing money from a
willing "victim."

As I have stated before, I know that I am not alone in that my need
to be either indentured to, enslaved by or coerced by a woman into
financial servitude is linked to my paying "penance" for a past sin
or transgression. It is this penance and servitude about which I am
trying to gain balance in my life. And Money Masochism is the thread
that runs through this life.

My First Post

2005-12-30T14:54:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note to all that my purpose here is both self examination, and a sharing of my obsessive erotic knowledge and imagination. This will be a repository for as many of my writings as I can post. All here. All for you and your comment.

Shamed